i had a dream. a dream of going out on a date with a girl of royalty. it was all but a simple dinner date that i knew she was out with me because she wanted to. not because of a meal she love, or a movie she wanted to see. nor was it because of boredom on a weekend or just a friend outing that she does not have to spend a single cent. she was there because of me. there was a little bit of shyness in her which I got it out from her with holding her close to me on the way walking to a fine dining restaurant. it looked like the eden place at town but it was double storey restaurant which that place isn’t. sigh, i wish i did not wake up at all.

the other dream i had was the one “she” called. she called to want to meet up to catch up on old times. and so wanted to ask her if she already have kids, but i rather not cause i do not wanna know that he is still with him. i wanted to keep the fantasy alive in my head by assuming she has problem in her marriage and called to feel how good it was again to be with me. it was good. it was too good to be true then, girl. i miss you at times.

at times, it is hard to feel sad to those people who are relocated for the purpose of development. though compensation has been given, there are some who wants more. yes, it is clear that a place that has been running its business since 1939 is very long and tonnes of memories that are hard to let go. but doubling the figure of your compensation is quite reasonable and one does not have to raise issues about corruption. giving someone more money does not always means there is some black money circulating around. i dare not be sure about it, but one does not necessary have to relate it to corruption.

for example that bugger dare to add another zero behind the amount people are willing to compensate really got a whole lot of greed in his alcoholically driven body. yes, your place might have done some renovation in the past. but seems like your gold plated toilet bowl has not arrived when i was doing my no. 2 the other day. and i believe your silky soft invisible toilet paper must have ran out, because i could not even see where it is suppose to be hanging. talk about hanging, your leonardo da vinci’s artistically carved hook must have been delayed from rome during your renovation. my whole fucking short was wet because i could not have the luxury of using that unique hook you ordered.

let us all once a while look back at our lives and be happy with what we had or have at the moment. striving for big dreams is a good way of living ones life but not necessary is the best for all.

sigh… oh my toto.

1. there’s a fine line between teasing and mocking

2. someone sounds like someone else tonight

many times, the mind is filled with so many things, but every time after log in, everything becomes empty. nothing and this post is just forcefully to post from office without stopping to play solitaire . yes, been addicted to that game lately. need to finish a few times in a day. crap, where am i heading to now? it is that time again, when once awhile, i get lost and don’t even know what direction to ask. at times, things are not within your control, need another’s decision before i can actually make mine. where to, where ends, for all that matters, i am stucked trying to stop the flow of the sand.

from “UP” to “1o promises to my dog”, they made me remember i still have a heart. no, i’m not getting in touch with my feminine side. i’m secure with my sexuality. but anyway, those 2 films is a must for those who are a fan of touching stories… no, i don’t mean the one that makes you touch yourself. those can leave for after dark, when everyone else is asleep.

the people from phuket. i know, the one at the right looks creepy to me too. anyway, this was my first shot at becoming a tourguide-cum-driver-cum-backstage crew-bellboy. hope to see you guys again…. ( bee, tangmao, de, and i don’t remember the rest)

little was done, nothing was felt
short of time, i’m back in hell
the times there are not that bad
lonesome best with pain and death

just when i thought everything is gonna be alright, comes another hill to climb. things could have been avoided if we do not aim for the sky. yes, the sky is the limit. but you do not live in the sky. our feet are on the ground for a reason. we are just not meant to float all the time. there’s nothing wrong in being happy with what you already have.

i am actually sad to find out that michael scofield had to die. someone who is good at breaking out from prison, had to die in one as well. even the idea that he had to sacrifice himself for his wife and child to live freely, is not a reason good enough for him to die in a prison. it’s just so terribly sad, that i feel i could actually cry for him. but then again, maybe it’s the song that was playing when the wife and the child of michael visits his bodyless grave. and as the brother walks pass the tombstone and brushes his hand on it. or when the son puts the lily on top with an innocent smile on his face, not knowing at all what his dad had gone thru… i need to get a life

there you were, standing on the green field next to a beautiful lake, some where in the deep village of kedah. i was afraid of getting close to you, as i have heard rumours of that you were once a man. how a fool i was to not overlook such things to see how a great person you were. the little kids were gathering around you, getting ready to take a photo with you. your husband just walked pass and smiled. a smile of a husband who was happily married with the good side of mankind and what a wonderful person you are, even though i never get to know you personally. how i wish i could. as i was holding my own camera, never thought of taking one with you back then. now, even when i wanna stand in front of you and thank you for all the tv advetisement that touched my heart and malaysians. even the coldest of blood would feel a slap in their face, and wakes up from their hellhole after watching your great work.

again, i wish to bid you farewell and apologise as well for being a naive college kid back then. and thank you for coming to kedah to film one of your many best work. good night, yasmin. sorry, yasmine. thank you, yasmine.

i recently found out i’m a scary person to be out with alone. and yet, my sole purpose of the outing in a group is basically is to be a drebar. oh my, what a great friend i have. of all the compliment i have had, i’m basically a mr thelma for online purpose only. even when i meant to just to have friends, some people just can’t seem to take it naturally without any hidden agenda. oh and in this case, a made up agenda in someone’s mind.

some come to the extend of being paraniod of being loved that they wall up their life against new friends and kept rambling about wanting to have more friends. friends who don’t go clubbing. wanna change her weekend’s relaxing outing other than clubbing. and yet, weekly without fail, we get to see new photos of that pub or this pub or the pub.

some people just contradict themselves and without realizing can hurt the people around them. so, i’ll stick with the old and best. more than a decade already and still counting.