little can be done

the things about her are so familiar
reminds you and i of time together
what is even more funny
we share quite the same history
why not someone who is not a repeat
not attached, just fulfill my needs
to love and be loved, not to judge unfairly
to miss and be missed, not temporary

give what i may take
not pry away what I beg
hit the end of a falling dark
crave for touches i almost forgot
throw a line, pull me into the light
i hope she’s the one,
who does all that are right

lean on me

there she was, standing with her back facing me, in her singlet that wraps around her curvish tall body with her commonly worn grey bermuda. we were doing either a bio lab experiment or just our regular work. 

she then walks over, and looked at what i was doing and asked questions with that smile that always give out that comfortable feeling when you are around her. suddenly, she puts her head on my shoulder with a strong nudge, trying to get my attention. it was a sudden rush of extreme happiness, that i did not know what to say but wau, you are heavy! and she laughed and gave me a slight slap on the arm and continue leaning on me. i closed my eyes and moved my arm to put around her waist… i heard a squeaking sound. i was hoping it was just the lab rats. but no. i opened back my eyes, and looked to the top right of me. it was my mattress spring making that noise. and i saw some light shining onto my legs from my bedroom window. damn…

i went back to sleep, hoping to continue. and it did, but it was another story to be told another time… back to reality, dude. wake the fuck up.

dead

making a fool of myself and excluding myself like an island in the middle of nowhere are what i am doing best currently, when i am around you. as pathetic as it may sound, it just ain’t easy. all i am doing, is admiring from a distance. envious of the other person on the other end of her hand.

you are just from another level, beyond my reach. the statement of “so close yet so far” is just exaggerating. our differences are never close. the things i would do, just to get near you, and see you smile everyday. not wanting to hear your sad voice on the phone, asking for more time spent with your other half on weekends. let this not repeat, let that be the last of it.

the awkward silent is just giving away that i am tension whenever i am in the same room or car with you. words just come out stupidily when i try to start a topic. i have better learn up the term, “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything”. i just hope for this weirdness in me, to go away. let this infatuation be over and be gone overnight and never again to surface in my mind.

i so want nice things for you. i so want to make you smile…

crashed

wrote a whole bunch of crap… and accidentally deleted… cibai