skinhead two-face

i wanna work hard to earn side income. buy things i love, save for the future. money is everything, and in some cases, it can even buy me love. for sure, money will buy you marriage. will even buy you a baby. if only i have “chi pa bun”. if only i have “cibai”… if only this. if only that. i tell you, this is okay. this is normal. this is what most people are fighting hard for in life. i’m ok with that.

then comes the hard part. finding out, my deceased uncle who passed away in his mid 30s, was earning only RM1.2K nett per month. he rides his bike to work every work day to butterworth. it was very sad finding out his salary. yes, it’s all about the money. and yes, he’s gone now. but if you put yourself in his shoe… you can actually feel the sorrow.

and another thing. this evening, i came back from visiting a friend in mount miriam. those of you who live in penang would know what that place is. he looked alittle worst than the last time i saw him at his home. but he’s positive about it. his mom is positive about it, as she set up the chair for her to overnight there. it’s not fair. it’s not right. it’s just isn’t right the scene i saw in the room.

so, money. are you the evil one? or are you the saviour? in both cases, money is still involved. money is involved in our lives more than god is (mind me, i’m an atheist who believes in the devil himself) good night.

why did you leave me, titi?

when i found out that people are talking about you leaving, i found it hard to believe. i was so sure, that you’ll stay for a long time. and when i know the news is true and you confirmed that you were leaving, i was angry and thought we don’t need you. but now, the day has come and you are already at another place far away from home, it struck me that there will no longer be a replacement for you. the truth hit right at my face so hard, that i finally see it as a sad news for me to overcome in months. good bye.

sha gua jiu shi wo

yes, indeed i’m an idiot to still miss her. there is not a slightest hope that she’ll return, but yet i miss her once a while. is it just the longing for something i don’t have or i truly misses her? even i wonder and scratches my balls once a while thinking about it. yes, all guys think with their dickheads. it was just coincidentally my balls is itchy now as i am writing now. and worst thing is, i’m in the office and can’t put my hand in my pants to satisfy my pair of luggage.

the song kicked me in the nuts when someone explained the lyrics to me. idiotic. but i’ve already looped this song since 10am. so who gives the fuck. i do. let me be the “sha gua” for now. i’ve forgotten how to drown myself with the pool of sorrow. let me do some imaginary backstroke on that particular pool, because everyone knows i can’t swim.

bread trip

i was suddenly in your car. you driving me to some place. and i started playing my fingers with yours, but you did not move away like the way you did when we were in your car the last time. you did not throw my hand away whenever mine is near. no, this time, you held on to me much tighter, so tight that it hurt you and you made an “aw” sound. and i kissed that hand i missed so much. i saw that smile i never seen for so long. and then my handphone alarm rang, and i saw it was 8am. time to work. fuck

she’s a beauty

so many girls i’ve met… ok, i’m over counting, not many. a handfull maybe. ok ok, just a few la. just a few girls that i have met and gone out with, i’ve never able to imagine myself being by her side, while she holds on to my arm and leaning her head on my shoulder when we talk with my friends. but this one. this one i feel something… some tingling feeling in my heart that makes me wanna try very hard to make it happen for us.